Bedtime Stories (movie quotes)
January 9, 2009
Skeeter Bronson: So guys, let me ask you something…. What the heck is on my head right now?
Patrick: Bugsy.
Skeeter Bronson: Why do you call him Bugsy?
Patrick: Because of his eyes.
Skeeter Bronson: *screams* Those would be big on a cow!
Skeeter Bronson: So the kids control the stories.
Patrick: Tell us a bedtime story.
Skeeter Bronson: Ok, here we go. Once upon a time, the greatest of all heroes, Skeeticus.
[scene goes to Skeeticus doing a jumping trick in a Roman chariot.]
Skeeticus: Can you dig it!
Skeeter Bronson: And then…
Patrick: It started raining gum balls.
Skeeter Bronson: Last night I told my sister’s kids a bedtime story and it came true.
Wendy: Skeeter?
Skeeter Bronson: Sis…
Wendy: I’m getting laid off. I have a couple interviews set up in Arizona. I need you to watch the kids.
Skeeter Bronson: I’ll do it, but you gotta say, “Skeeter is the coolest. I am a nerd.”
Wendy: Skeeter is the coolest. I am a nerd.
Skeeter Bronson: Yeah you are!
Yes Man 2008 Movie quotes
December 22, 2008
YES MAN MOVIE QUOTES
Woman: Excuse me, could I…
Carl Allen: Absolutely! [grabs and kisses woman]
Friend: Well I don’t think that’s what she was asking for.
Terrence Bundley: What was that you said?
Carl Allen: No.
[gets hit in the head by Terrence with his mic]
Carl Allen: Yes?
[Carl Allen pulls up in a parking lot and opens the door. Cans of Red Bull pour out.]
Carl Allen: [speaking fast] WOoooo. I’ve never had a Red Bull before, but I had a Red Bull last night. I really like Red Bull.
Renee Allison: Yeah, you seem a little hyper.
Carl Allen: Hey! After we chat we should get a red bull!
Renee Allison: OK, that’d be really fu….
Carl Allen: Red Bull!
Renee Allison: That sounds…
Carl Allen: Red Bull!
Renee Allison: I think I’d really…
Carl Allen: Redda Bulla!
Carl Allen: I do want to take guitar lessons. I do want to learn how to fly. Yes, I would like to learn Korean.
Friend: So what, you’re going to say “yes” to everything?
Carl Allen: Exactly. I wasn’t open to stuff and now I am. Things are changing for me.
Friend on phone: Yo Carl, hitting the clubs, gotta case of Red Bull, gonna pull an all-nighter. You down?
Carl Allen: [opens mouth and gum falls out] Was I chewing gum before?
Tropic Thunder (2008) Quotes
August 17, 2008
Kirk Lazarus: I know who I am! I’m the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude!
Alpa Chino: Maybe I just knew I had to represent…
Kirk Lazarus: Hot damn!
Alpa Chino: …because they had one good part in there for a *black* man, and they gave it to “Crocodile Dundee”!
Kirk Lazarus: [offended] Pump your brakes kid, that man’s a national treasure.
Alpa Chino: I’m sorry a dingo ate your baby!
Kirk Lazarus: You about to cross some fuckin’ line!
Kirk Lazarus: I’m a lead farmer, mother fucker!
Kirk Lazarus: Yo, assholes, this mother fucker’s dead!
Tugg Speedman: [picks up severed head] I think I can spot a prop head when I see one!
[people around him gag while he plays with the head]
The Tracey Fragments (2007)
August 15, 2008
Quotes
Tracey Berkowitz: I kinda like to ride a different bus every night depending on my mood. Like, if I’m depressed, I enjoy being around other depressed people. And happy people, they frickin depress me! You know?
Tracey Berkowitz: Look, the other day, something happened. I came to certain realizations. I can’t tell you what or you’ll end up like me, on this bus, looking for someone.
Tracey Berkowitz: I don’t like the country. Creeps me out. In the country, dead bodies live in swamps, and ditches, and shallow graves. A man dumps the body of a girl in a ditch. The body rotts; Melts into slime. Flowers pop up where the body lies, seeds fly out of the flowers, and a bee sucks the flowers and makes honey. And then the family of the girl buys the honey from the store. And the family eats the girl.
Tracey Berkowitz: When a horse falls, foam comes out of its mouth. When it falls, the legs of the horse thrash and the horse is no good… So somebody shoots it. The horse turns into glue. A machine puts the glue into bottles and children squeeze the bottles to get the glue out and stick bits of paper onto cards. Glue gets on the children’s hands and the children eat the glue. And the children become the horse.
Dr. Heker: Why don’t you go home? Go home.
Tracey Berkowitz: My name is Tracey Berkowitz. Fifteen. Just a normal girl who hates herself.
Tracey Berkowitz: When things happen to people, they radiate a light. Because they have a picture caught inside them. Because they were there and you weren’t. And because you only got a piece. And because all you can do is shrink and blow up that one tiny piece.
Tracey Berkowitz: Doctor Hecker, my psychiatrist. She only cares about the, like, 80 bucks an hour she’s paid, or whatever, to prevent me from turning into a psycho. Well… it’s kinda too late for that.
Tracey Berkowitz: It really isn’t my fault. I absolutely had to run away. Like, my Dad, he’s always saying that I exaggerate. You know? He’s always like, ‘Tracey, I don’t know what to believe and what not to believe.’ But how do you know what’s real and what’s not when the whole world is inside your head?
Tracey Berkowitz: He stuck his cock in me and said I love you, in that exact order. Now I’m not afraid to die. ‘Cause like birds and bees and bugs, they all die after they fuck.
Tracey Berkowitz: This is the story of the girl with no tits. Went to my school. No tits. Big dumb moon face.
Tracey Berkowitz: Look, I’m not what you think. I’m not junk, I’m not a dink. I’m not garbage flowers you leave to rot and stink, and smell, and curl up all dry and papery so they crumble as crusty as the flowers on this fucked up shower curtain.
The Notebook (2004)
August 14, 2008
Young Noah: Will you go out with me?
Young Allie: What? No.
Young Noah: No…?
Young Allie: No.
Young Noah: Why not?
Young Allie: I dunno, because I don’t want to.
Young Noah: OK, then you leave me no other choice.
Young Allie: AHHHH
Young Noah: I’m gonna ask you one more time, will you or will you not go out with me? I think my hand’s slipping.
Young Allie: OK, OK. Fine I’ll go out with you
Young Noah: No, don’t do me any favors.
Young Allie: No, no I want to.
Young Noah: Say it.
Young Allie: I wanna go out with you.
Young Noah: Say it again.
Young Allie: I WANNA GO OUT WITH YOU!
Young Noah: All right, all right we’ll go out.
Young Allie: [lying in the middle of the street] What happens if a car comes?
Young Noah: We die.
Young Noah: Get in the water.
Young Allie: No! I’m scared.
Young Noah: [yelling] Get in the water, woman! Get in the water!
Young Allie: [looks at him, puzzled]
Young Noah: [calmly] No I’m sorry baby, please just get in.
Young Allie: [hesitates]
Young Noah: [once his friends start yelling again] GET IN THE WATER!
Young Allie: Painting.
Young Noah: What?
Young Allie: You asked me, what I do for me…
Young Noah: What now?
Young Allie: I love to paint.
Young Noah: Really?
Young Allie: Mmm-hmm. Most of the time I have all these thoughts bouncin’ around in my head… but with a brush in my hand, the world just gets kinda quiet.
Young Noah: Unbelievable, Unbelievable.
Young Noah: You don’t know me, but I know me.
Young Noah: It’s not about following your heart and it’s not about keeping your promises. It’s about security.
Young Allie: What’s that supposed to mean?
Young Noah: [yelling] Money. He’s got a lot of money!
Young Allie: You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.
Young Noah: You’re bored Allie. You’re bored and you know it. You wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t something missing.
Young Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.
Young Noah: Would you just stay with me?
Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we’re already fightin’
Young Noah: Well that’s what we do, we fight… You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What’s it look like? If it’s with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that’s what you really wanted. But don’t you take the easy way out.
Young Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.
Young Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?
Young Allie: It’s not that simple.
Young Noah: What… do… you… want? Whaddaya want?
Young Allie: I have to go now.
Young Allie: When I’m with Noah I feel like one person and when I’m with you I feel like someone totally different.
Lon: Allie, it’s normal not to forget your first love but I want you for myself. I don’t want to convince my fiancée that she should be with me.
Young Allie: You don’t have to. I already know I should be with you.
Fin: [after Noah and Allie kept saying ‘You look great.’]
[to Allie]
Fin: You look great.
[to Noah]
Fin: You look great. And I know I look great.
Martha Shaw: Look, a woman know when a man looks into her eyes and sees someone else.
Young Noah: Now you know that I want to give you all the things that you want, right? But I can’t, because they’re gone… They’re broken.
Young Noah: My Dearest Allie. I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you. Noah
Noah: I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.
Young Allie: Why didn’t you write me? Why? It wasn’t over for me, I waited for you for seven years. But now it’s too late.
Young Noah: I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year.
Young Allie: You wrote me?
Young Noah: Yes… it wasn’t over, it still isn’t over
[kisses Allie]
Duke: That’s my sweetheart in there. Wherever she is, that’s where my home is.
Duke: How’s it hangin’ Harry?
Harry: I keep trying to die, but they won’t let me.
Duke: Well, you can’t have everything.
Young Noah: You wanna walk with me.
Fin: What are you guys doing? Get in!
Young Allie: Yeah.
Young Noah: We’re gonna walk.
Fin: Do you guys love each other?
[Young Noah snickers]
Fin: Oh I get it, you guys do love each other!
Young Noah: Okay. Goodbye.
Young Noah: So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday.
Frank: [Allie painted Noah a picture] Now that’s a damn picture there!
Young Noah: What am I gonna do in New York?
Young Allie: …Be with me.
Lon: Should I be worried?
Allie: They fell in love, didn’t they?
Duke: Yes, they did.
Young Noah: It’s not about keeping your promises, and it’s not about following your heart. It’s about security.
Young Noah: [to Martha] You know I want to give you everything you want. But I can’t. It’s broken.
Young Allie: Now, say you’re a bird.
Young Noah: If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.
Frank: [Allie painted Noah a picture] Now that’s a damn painting that is.
Young Noah: [raising fists in air] Dad! God… I stammered!
Frank: Stammered, stuttered… what’s the difference. You couldn’t understand a damn thing he said.
[Allie laughing]
Frank: Anyway, I got him to read some poetry aloud and pretty soon his stuttering went away.
Young Allie: Well, that’s a good idea that poetry.
Duke: I was just going for a walk. I couldn’t sleep.
Nurse Esther: You were going to see Miss Allie. Now you know you’re not allowed. It’s against the rules. You go back to your room. And as for me, I’m going downstairs to get a cup of coffee and won’t be back for a while. Stay out of trouble.
[Duke walks over to Nurse Esther’s counter and sees a full cup of coffee]
Young Noah: We can just finish out the summer and see what happens then.
Young Allie: Please don’t do this, you don’t mean it. Oh why wait until the summer ends? Why don’t you do it right now?
[pushes Noah against car]
Young Allie: Huh? C’mon. Do it! Do it!
[repeatedly pushes Noah, starts hitting Noah, Noah starts hitting himself]
Young Allie: You know what? I’m gonna do it! It’s over. Okay? it’s over.
Young Noah: [opens his arms for a hug] Come here.
Young Allie: Don’t touch me! I hate you! I hate you!
Young Noah: OK, I’m going.
Young Allie: Why don’t you just go then?
[pushes Noah in the car]
Young Allie: Get out! Leave!
[kicks Noah’s car]
Young Allie: Go!… No, no, just wait a minute, we’re not really breaking up are we? Come on. This is just a fight we’re having and tomorrow will be like it never happend right?
[Noah drives away]
Frank: Well, Mr. Calho… What am I? *Old* or something? You can call me Frank.
Allie: Do you think our love can make miracles?
Duke: I do.
[last lines]
Allie: Do you think our love, can take us away together?
Duke: I think our love can do anything we want it to.
Allie: I love you.
Duke: I love you, Allie.
Allie: Good night.
Duke: Good night. I’ll be seeing you.
Frank: Say, how would you like some breakfast? Would you like some breakfast?
Young Allie: Breakfast?
Frank: Yeah!
Young Noah: Dad, it’s ten o’clock.
Frank: Well, what’s that got to do with it, you can have pancakes any damn time of night you want! Come on in, you want some breakfast?
Young Allie: Sure!
Young Noah: You’re gonna kill me woman! I need sleep, I need food, to regain my strength!
Duke: They didn’t agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday…
Young Noah: [Allie and Noah are fighting] Don’t push me!
[Allie pushes Noah anyway]
Duke: …But in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other.
Anne: She is out foolin’ around with that boy until two o’clock in the morning and it has got to stop! I didn’t spend seventeen years of my life raising a daughter and giving her EVERYTHING, so she could throw it away on a summer romance!
Young Allie: [Screaming] DADDY!
Anne: She will wind up with her heart broken or pregnant! Now he’s a nice boy, but he’s…
Young Allie: He’s WHAT? He is what? Tell me!
Anne: He is trash! Trash! Trash! Not for you!
Allie: Did you write that?
Duke: No, that was Walt Whitman.
Allie: I think I knew him…
Duke: I think you did too.
Noah: Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they’re gone.
Young Noah: [humming] Bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum,bum.
Young Allie: [laughing] You’re a terrible singer.
Young Noah: I know.
Young Allie: [laying her head on his shoulder] But I like this song.
[they continue dancing in the street to I’ll Be Seeing You]
Young Allie: Whattaya want?
[asks after he tells her he needs to regain his strength after making love all day]
Young Noah: I want some… pancakes… and some bacon.
Noah: …He got this notion into his head that if he restore the old house where they had come that night, Allie would find a way to go back to him…
Anne: ‘Cause I might know you a little better than you think. And I don’t want you waking up one morning thinking if you’d known everything you might have done something different.
Young Allie: What’s going on?
Anne: We’re going home.
Young Allie: We’re leaving now?
Anne: Mm-hmm.
Young Allie: No, we’re not supposed to be leaving for another week.
Anne: Get dressed, come downstairs and have some breakfast. Willa will pack your things.
Willa: Why, I’d be happy to pack your things, Miss Allie.
Young Allie: No, I don’t want you to pack my things, I don’t want you to touch my stuff I’m not going!
Anne: Yes, you are.
Young Noah: When I see something I like, I gotta… I love it.
Young Allie: You gotta be kiddin me. All this time, that’s what I’ve been missin’? Let’s do it again.
Young Noah: [at the Carnival] Who’s that girl with Sara?
Fin: Her name is Allie Hamilton. She’s here for the summer with her family. Dad’s got more money than God.
Young Allie: This place is gigantic!
Young Noah: Yeah, a gigantic piece of crap!
Young Noah: I’m Noah Calhoun.
Young Allie: So?
Young Noah: So it’s really nice to meet you.
Edmond: Allie, who is this guy?
Young Allie: I don’t know, Noah Calhoun.
Young Noah: I’m not usually like this, I’m sorry.
Young Allie: Oh yes you are.
Young Noah: I could be fun, if you want. I could be pensive, uhh… smart, supersticious, brave? And I, uhh, I can be light on my feet. I could be whatever you want. You just tell me what you want, and I’m gonna be that for you.
Young Allie: …You’re dumb.
Young Noah: I could be that.
Young Noah: Come on, one date, what’s it gonna hurt?
Young Allie: Mmm, I don’t think so.
Young Noah: Well what can I do to change your mind?
Young Allie: [Noah is about to lie down in the street intersection] You’re gonna get hit.
Young Noah: [Looks around for oncoming cars, there aren’t any in sight] Uhh, by all the cars?
[first lines]
Nurse Selma: Excuse me. Come on, honey, let’s get you ready for bed
Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008)
August 13, 2008
Sean: [running from a dinosaur] Haven’t you ever seen a dinosaur before?
Trevor: Not with skin on it!
[from trailer]
Trevor: [in complete awe] Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the center of the Earth.
[Sean and Trevor have fallen behind Hannah, tired of climbing]
Sean: I call dibs on the mountain climber.
Trevor: What? You’re thirteen; you can’t call dibs.
Trevor: [as they are climbing] Hey, look at all the shist.
Sean: What?
Trevor: It’s a metamorphic rock. Green shist, white shist, micro-guarded shist-
Sean: Oh. Shist.
Hannah Ásgeirsson: [all climbing down] Just make conversation with me Sean.
Sean: So, uh, Hannah. Do you come here often?
Trevor: [laughs] That can’t be the best you can do!
Sean: [yells] Hey! I’m trying to make converstation!
Hannah Ásgeirsson: It’s OK. No Sean, I don’t come here often.
[laughs]
Trevor: [sees Sean playing a PSP] What is that? A… Gameboy?
Sean: PSP.
Trevor: [holds up Max’s yo-yo] This was your old man’s PSP.
Sean: [seeing a deserted field in the center of the Earth] Dang, I wish I read that book.
Swing Vote (2008)
August 12, 2008
Bud Johnson: America needs someone who’s bigger than their speeches.
Bud Johnson: You guys protect the President!
Lewis: She’s… she’s smarter.
Bud Johnson: I know exactly what you mean Andy.
President Andrew Boone: Do you?
Bud Johnson: Maybe not…
Doomsday (2008)
August 11, 2008
Bill Nelson: Once you’re over that wall, there’s no rules, no back-up.
Eden Sinclair: Better that way.
Eden Sinclair: What were you doing in the city?
Cally: I went to find my brother… Sol.
Eden Sinclair: That maniac is your brother?
Norton: That is one fucked up family, man. Kane: So, tell me, what’s it like out there now?
Eden Sinclair: What do you care?
Kane: I’m curious.
Eden Sinclair: Same shit, different era.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
August 10, 2008
Mutt Williams: You know, for an old man you ain’t bad in a fight. What are you, like 80?
Mutt Williams: Get on, Gramps!
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: You fight like a young man; eager to start and quick to finish.
Mutt Williams: [Irinka Spalko holds sword up to Mutt’s neck] Woah! Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop, stop!
Mutt Williams: [grabs comb out of pocket and combs hair] I’m ready.
[to Indy]
Mutt Williams: Don’t give these pigs a thing.
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: Belief, Dr. Jones, is a gift you have yet to receive. My sympathies.
Indiana Jones: Oh, I believe, sister. That’s why I’m down here.
Mutt Williams: Oh, it’s just a thing.
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: No defiant last words, Dr. Jones?
Indiana Jones: I like Ike.
Mutt Williams: I don’t understand. Why the legend about the city of gold?
Indiana Jones: Well, the word for ‘gold’ translates as ‘treasure.’ But their treasure wasn’t gold, it was knowledge. Knowledge was their treasure.
Mac: You broke my nose!
Indiana Jones: I warned you.
Mac: Jonesy!
[Indiana punches Mac in the face][Indiana realizes he’s in a nuclear testing site when sirens begin wailing]
Indiana Jones: That can’t be good. That can’t be good at all.
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: This warehouse, where you and your government have hidden all of your secrets. Yes?
Indiana Jones: This is a military warehouse. I’ve never been here before in my life.
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: Don’t toy with me, Doctor Jones! What is the point of all this?
Indiana Jones: If it’s still magnetic, the metal in this gun powder should point the way.
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: [Irina has Marion and Indiana hostage] So Dr. Jones, you will help us?
[a soldier cocks a pistol and points it at Marion’s back]
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: A simple ‘Yes’ will do.
Indiana Jones: Oh, Marion, you had to go and get yourself kidnapped.
Marion Ravenwood: Not like you did any better.
Indiana Jones: Same old, same old.
Indiana Jones: Marion, take the wheel!
Mutt Williams: That’s not fair, she drove the truck!
Indiana Jones: Don’t be a child. Find something to fight with!
Indiana Jones: Drop dead!
[Dovchenko punches him in the face]
Indiana Jones: I’m sorry; I meant, “Drop dead, *comrade*.”
Marion Ravenwood: I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to go on with my life. There must have been plenty of women for you over the years.
Indiana Jones: There were a few. But they all had the same problem.
Marion Ravenwood: Yeah, what’s that?
Indiana Jones: They weren’t you, honey.
Indiana Jones: [on seeing the Crystal Skull] Un-believable!
Indiana Jones: So what are you, some kind of… triple agent?
Mac: Nah. I just lied about being a double.
Indiana Jones: You want to be a good archaeologist…
[Mutt drives them out of the building on his motorcycle]
Indiana Jones: …you’ve got to get out of the library!
Indiana Jones: [stuck in quicksand] Oxley, go get help!
Professor ‘Ox’ Oxley: Help?
Indiana Jones: Help!
Professor ‘Ox’ Oxley: Help!
[runs into the trees searching for help]
Indiana Jones: [surrounded by Russian soldiers after getting pulled out of the sandpit by Mutt] Thanks Ox…
Professor ‘Ox’ Oxley: [points at the Russians] Help.
Indiana Jones: Careful, you may get exactly what you wish for.
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: I usually do.
Marion Ravenwood: Mutt can be a little impetuous.
Indiana Jones: Well it’s not the worse quality in the world.
[Indy and Marion sink further into the ground]
Indiana Jones: Keep your arms above the surface. When the kid comes back, grab on.
Marion Ravenwood: Indy, he…
Indiana Jones: He’s a good kid Marion. You should get off his back about school. Not everybody is cut out for it.
Marion Ravenwood: Mutt I mean, his name is Henry.
Indiana Jones: Henry. Good name.
Marion Ravenwood: He’s your son.
Indiana Jones: My son?
Marion Ravenwood: Henry Jones the III.
Indiana Jones: [beat] Why the hell didn’t you make him finish school?
Indiana Jones: Leave it to Ox to write a riddle in a dead language.
Indiana Jones: [crashes into a truck windshield after a failed swing from his whip] Damn, I thought that was closer… .
[Mac holds his hands up while they are surrounded by Russian soldiers]
Indiana Jones: Put your hands down will you, you’re embarrassing us.
Mutt Williams: Name’s Mutt. Mutt Williams.
Indiana Jones: Mutt?
Mutt Williams: Yeah.
Indiana Jones: What kind of name is that?
Mutt Williams: It’s the one I picked. You got a problem with it?
Indiana Jones: Take it easy.
Mutt Williams: [to Indy] Hey Daddio!
Mutt Williams: A scorpion just stung me, am I gonna die?
Indiana Jones: How big?
Mutt Williams: Huge!
Indiana Jones: Good.
Mutt Williams: Good?
Indiana Jones: When it comes to scorpions, the bigger the better. Small one bites ya, don’t keep it to yourself.[Mutt pops open his switchblade, ready to fight two KGB agents]
Indiana Jones: Nice try kid, but it looks like you brought a knife…
[both agents pull out guns]
Indiana Jones: …to a gun fight.
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: Do svidanya, Dr. Jones.
Indiana Jones: It depends on who your god is.
Mac: Stop the car! Stop! You don’t know him! You don’t know him!
Mac: We were younger.
Indiana Jones: We had guns!
Indiana Jones: How did Deidra take the news?
Dean Charles Stanforth: How does any wife take such things… a look on her face is a combination of pride and panic.
Dean Charles Stanforth: I barely recognize this country anymore; the government has us seeing communists in our soup.
Dean Charles Stanforth: We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.
Indiana Jones: Who is your mother, again?
Mutt Williams: Mary, Mary Williams. You don’t remember her?
Indiana Jones: There’ve been a lot of Marys, kid.
Mutt Williams: [draws switchblade] Hey! That’s my mother you’re talking about!
Mutt Williams: Well, what’s he gonna do now?
Marion Ravenwood: I don’t think he plans that far ahead.
Mutt Williams: Yeah…
Indiana Jones: [pops out from the inside of the truck with a bazooka] Scooch over, will ya, Son?
Mutt Williams: Don’t call me ‘Son’. Don’t.
Indiana Jones: [ignoring Mutt’s complaint] I think I’d cover my ears if I were you!
[Indy fires a rocket at a giant tree cutter, but it sends the large circular blade bouncing straight for them, cutting through other trucks as it goes]
Indiana Jones: *Duck!*
Indiana Jones: You’re not from around here, are you?
Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: And ‘vere’ do you think I am from?
Indiana Jones: Well, judging by the way you’re sinking your teeth into those ‘wubble-yous’, I’d say Eastern Ukraine.
Indiana Jones: Why don’t you stick around, Junior?
Mutt Williams: [chuckles] I don’t know. Why didn’t you, Dad?
Professor ‘Ox’ Oxley: [scoffs] Dad…
[gives Indy a questioning look]
Professor ‘Ox’ Oxley: Dad?
Indiana Jones: Somewhere your Grandpa is laughing.
Mutt Williams: You’re a *teacher?*
Indiana Jones: Part-time.
Mutt Williams: Look, Professor, it really *is* a dead end.
Indiana Jones: [after climbing on the rock and noticing that it shifts with force, tilting it first away, and then back to Mutt, with a grin] Come on, genius.Col. Dr. Irina Spalko: I want to know!
Indiana Jones: I need a compass. Compass!
[the Soviet soldiers stand perplexed]
Indiana Jones: You know! North, South, East!
Mac: West.
Indiana Jones: Ox, I understand now… Someone came.
Indiana Jones: I need your bullets.
Indiana Jones: I have to return the Skull to Akator.
Mutt Williams: Are you nuts? It’s brought us nothing but trouble! Look what it did to *him*..
[points to Oxley]
Indiana Jones: I have to return it.
Marion Ravenwood: Why you?
Indiana Jones: Because it told me to.
Mutt Williams: Is that a spaceship?
Professor ‘Ox’ Oxley: A portal, to another dimension.
Indiana Jones: Don’t think we want to go that way…Professor ‘Ox’ Oxley: Well done, Henry!
Indiana Jones, Mutt Williams: Thanks, Ox.
Mutt Williams: [as Indy sinks in a quicksand-esque substance, he is passed a long snake] Grab on! It’s a rat snake!
Indiana Jones: Rat snakes aren’t that big!
Mutt Williams: Well this one is, all right? It’s not even poisonous! Now grab on!
Indiana Jones: Go get something else!
Mutt Williams: Like what?
Indiana Jones: Like a rope or something!
Mutt Williams: There’s no Sears & Roebuck here! Grab the snake!
Indiana Jones: Maybe I can touch the bottom.
Marion Ravenwood: There is no bottom! Now grab it! Grab the snake!
Indiana Jones: I think I can feel it with my feet
Mutt Williams: Grab the snake!
Indiana Jones: Stop calling it that!
Mutt Williams: It’s a snake, what do you want me to call it?!
Indiana Jones: A rope!
Mutt Williams: What?
Indiana Jones: Say “Grab the rope”!
Mutt Williams, Marion Ravenwood: Grab the rope!
Indiana Jones: You’re not from around here are you?
Agent Irina Spalko: [taking off her glasses] And where would you imagine I am from Dr. Jones?
Indiana Jones: Well the way you’re sinking your teeth into those W’s I should think maybe… Eastern Ukraine.
Indiana Jones: [jumping out of the car] Big damn ants, go!
Indiana Jones: That can’t be good…
Speaker Voice: All personnel, it is now one minute to zero time. Put on goggles or turn away. Do not remove goggles or face burst until ten seconds after first light.
Indiana Jones: Oh, that can’t be good at all…Indiana Jones: I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
Marion Ravenwood: So, you still living in a trail of human wreckage or have you retired?
Indiana Jones: Why, you’re looking for a date?
Marion Ravenwood: Anyone but you!
The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
August 10, 2008
Fox Mulder: Are you asking me to give up?
Dana Scully: No. No, I can’t ask you to do that… But I can tell you I won’t be coming home tonight.ana Scully: Can you hear me?
Fox Mulder: [drugged] Sorry about your car.Dana Scully: Listen to me! I need your help!
Agent Mosley Drummy: I’m sorry. I – I can’t help you.
Dana Scully: Then let me talk to somebody there with some balls who can.Fox Mulder: I can feel you thinking.
Dana Scully: Sorry. I can’t sleep.
Fox Mulder: Actually, I have a little something for that.
Dana Scully: Just a little something?
Fox Mulder: Thank you.Agent Mosley Drummy: I don’t believe this.
Fox Mulder: You know, that’s been your problem from the very beginning.Dana Scully: What are you doing?
Fox Mulder: Trying to ignore you.
Step Brothers (2008)
August 10, 2008
Dale Doback: Barbara Walters, Oprah, your wife. You gotta fuck one, kill one, and marry one, go!
Dale Doback: [as they are called back into the office for their first interview] We’re here to fuck shit up!
Brennan Huff: Robert better not get in my face… ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!
Brennan Huff: I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!
Derek: So, what do we do now?
Brennan Huff: Can we hug?
Derek: Yeah, you’d like that, you faggot!… I’m sorry, I’m new to this.
Brennan Huff: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!
Dale Doback: [after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. I mean, it’s like Fergie meets Jesus.
Brennan Huff: I have a belly full of white dog crap, and now you lay this shit on me?
Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!
Brennan Huff: [to Dale] You’re a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!
Brennan Huff: Shut your mouth. Sh-sh-shut your mouth.
Brennan Huff: Eat shit Derek!
Brennan Huff: [in his therapist’s fantasy] I’ve come five hundred miles to deliver my seed.
Dale Doback: [both waking up from dreams on top of each other] Oh no, I’m late for school.Brennan Huff: I’ll kiss you on the lips, Kenny Rodgers.
Brennan Huff: I tea-bagged your drum set!
Brennan Huff: This wedding is horse shit!
Brennan Huff: You are making an ass out of yourself, you geriatric fuck!
Dr. Robert Doback: Rock the fuck out of those drums, Dale.
Dale Doback: Can we turn our beds into bunkbeds?
Brennan Huff: It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!
Dr. Robert Doback: Your adults, you can do what you want.
Dale Doback: This is the funnest night ever!
Alice, Derek, Dr. Robert Doback: Fucking Catalina Wine-Mixer!
Alice: Stay gold, Ponyboy.
Derek: Brennan has a man-gina.
Brennan Huff: You better not close your eyes, because as soon as you do, I’m gonna punch you square in the face!
Dr. Robert Doback: One day my father just said, “Goddamn it, you’re seventeen, stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job!”
Dale Doback: I manage a baseball team.
Nancy Huff: Oh, little league?
Dale Doback: Fantasy league.
Randy: Pow!Brennan Huff: I’m so scared right now. I’m just gonna to do what’s sensible, I’m gonna file for unemployment. Then I’m gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they… *they* give *you* the tools to be your own boss.
Dale Doback: [while Brennan is singing] Boats and hos.
Brennan Huff: Holy Fucking Santa Claus Shit!
Brennan Huff: [mowing lawn, dressed as Nazi] Hey Derek, spreken ze dick?
WALL·E (2008)
August 10, 2008
Captain: I don’t want to survive! I want to live!
Captain: Out there is our home – home, AUTO! – and it’s in trouble. I can’t just sit here and do nothing. That’s all I’ve ever done! That’s all anyone has ever done on this blasted ship.
AUTO: In space we will survive.
Captain: I don’t want to survive, I want to live!
AUTO: I must follow my directive.
Captain: [he turns around in frustration, and then looks at pictures of past captains to notice AUTO is closer to the camera in progressing pictures]
Captain: [turns back] *I’m* the captain of this ship! We are going home *today*, AUTO!WALL.E: WALL-E.
MO: M-O.
WALL.E: M-O?
MO: M-O.
WALL.E: [pause] Oh.Mary: [Mary is looking at the stars outside the Axiom while other passengers pass idly by] Oh! So many stars! Ah.
[she sees WALL-E and EVE flying around outside.]
Mary: Oh! Hey! That’s what’s-his-name!
[backs up, bumps into John]
John: Hey! What the-?
Mary: Look! Look look look!
[she shuts off his chair and screen, making him aware of his surroundings]
John: Huh? What?
[sees WALL-E and EVE]
John: Hey… I know that guy! It’s uh, uh… Wally! That’s it! Hey – Wally! It’s your buddy John!
Mary: [simultaneously] Hey! Hi, Wally!
[John casually puts his right hand upon Mary’s.]
John: [looks down, somewhat surprised; looks up at Mary, smiles] Hi.
Mary: [smiles] Hi.
Eve: Name?
WALL.E: WALL-E.
Eve: WALL-E?
[giggles]
Eve: Eve.
WALL.E: Eva?
Eve: Eve.
WALL.E: Eeeeeva?
Eve: Eve! Eve!
WALL.E: Eeeeeva?
Eve: [giggles]AUTO: Sir, give me the plant.
Mary: I didn’t know we had a pool!
Eve: [Eve repeats “Directive” in multiple languages, ending with…] Directive?
[WALL-E demonstrates his trash-compacting function]
WALL.E: Ta-dah!
Eve: Ohhh…
WALL.E: Dirrrrr-ect-tivvve?
Eve: Directive?
[WALL-E nods]
Eve: [Eve turns away, sharply] Classified.
WALL.E: Oh.
Hancock (2008)
August 10, 2008
Hancock (2008)
August 10, 2008
Mary Embrey: [referring to Hancock] Did he…just take the whiskey bottle to the bathroom?
Ray Embrey: Do you want him to kill us all?
Ray Embrey: My basic diagnosis of your fundamental problem is…do you want to hear it?
Hancock: No.
Ray Embrey: You’re an asshole. I know. I call it like I see it, though. It’s not a crime to be an asshole, but it’s very counter-productive. Not a crime, but you are an asshole, don’t you think?
Hancock: Be careful.
Ray Embrey: Right now, there’s a DA trying to coming up here and put you in jail.
Hancock: [while eating banana] Bitch can try!
Ray Embrey: I say you go.
Hancock: [confused] Hmm?
Ray Embrey: People take you for granted, you know. We gotta make people miss you. People don’t like you, Hancock.
Aaron Embrey: [yelling from other room] I do!Hancock: [reading prepared text] I apologize to the people of Los Angeles. My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences. I ask my fellow Angelinos for their patience and understanding. Life here can be difficult for me. After all, I am the only one of my kind. During my incarceration, I will be participating in alcohol and anger management treatment. You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better.
Ray Embrey: So you’ve used the door, the building’s still intact, people are happy you’ve arrived, they feel safe now, there’s an officer there and he’s done a good job, so you might want to tell him he’s done a good job.
Hancock: What the hell did I have to come for Ray if he’s done a good job?
Ray Embrey: [showing Hancock his uniform] For when they call.
Hancock: I ain’t wearing that, Ray.
Ray Embrey: Yes, you are.
Hancock: Oh no, I’m not.
Ray Embrey: No, you are.
Hancock: Actually, I’m not Ray.
Ray Embrey: You think you’re not, but you are.
Hancock: I will fight crime butt-ass naked before I fight it in that, Ray.
Ray Embrey: You know, you have fought naked. We got that. That’s on Youtube.Hancock: You and I…
Mary Embrey: You and I what?
Hancock: …we’re the same.
Mary Embrey: No. I’m stronger.
Hancock: Really?
Mary Embrey: [smiling] Oh yeah.
Hancock: Who are we?
Mary Embrey: Gods, angels…Different cultures call us by different names. Now all of a sudden it’s superhero.
Hancock: Are there more of us?
Mary Embrey: There were. They all died. It’s just the two of us.
Mary Embrey: [referring to Hancock] We broke up decades ago. Long before you were born. He just can’t remember.
Ray Embrey: But you can, right? You knew? That’s something you might want to bring up on the first date, Mary. I don’t like to travel, I’m allergic to cats, I’m immortal. Those are like some of the things you might want to give a little heads-up on.
Mary Embrey: Whatever we are, we’re built in twos. We’re drawn together. No matter how far I run, he’s always there! He finds me. It’s physics.
Ray Embrey: Wait, what are you saying? Are you saying you two are fated to be together?
Mary Embrey: I’ve lived for a very long time, Ray. And the one thing I learned – fate doesn’t decide everything. People get to choose.
Mamma Mia! (2008)
August 10, 2008
Sophie: I’ve invited my dad to my wedding.
Ali: You found him!?
Sophie: Well not exactly.Tanya: I’m old enough to be your mother!
Rosie: Grandmother.
Alexis Bledel
August 10, 2008
“It always happens in places where you’d rather not be recognized. Like one time, I was just getting ready to go to bed, but I had this craving for a glass of milk. So I go to the supermarket, and I have like no makeup on, and this couple comes up to me and they’re like ‘Thursday night!’. They sort of yelled it across the vegetable bin, and I’m like, ‘Okay, don’t look at me, I look awful. I’m going over here by the celery now.'”
You hear all these great stories about kids starting their own businesses and getting involved in their communities and politics and foundations – all kinds of things. And it’s so much easier for kids to get motivated and do that. – on her belief that teens are motivated to effect change.
“Sometimes I feel like I am an old person trapped in a young person’s body. I’m boring. I go to movies. I read. That’s about it.”
“The success of the show is overwhelming. It’s like being Alice at the Mad Hatter’s tea party because you never know what’s going to happen next.”
“I was at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts for a year and I loved it. There are a lot of really creative people, there is a constant exchange of an ideas. We talk about what’s been done [in film] and all the rules for filmmaking and then we talk about how to break them.”
Mamma Mia! (2008)
August 9, 2008
Donna: I grew up.
Tanya: Well, grow back down then!
Harry Bright: Is your father here?
Sophie: [smiling] You tell me.
[from trailer]
Bill: We’re here for the wedding.
[Sophie is frazzled]
Sam Carmichael: You are expecting us?
Sophie: [pause] Oh my god, yeah.
[from trailer]
Donna: You sound like you’re having fun already.
Ali: Oh, we are!
Donna: [woefully] I used to have fun!
Ali: [giggles] Oh, we know!
[Donna looks worried]
[from trailer]
Donna: There were three guys around the same time…
[giggles]
Tanya: You shady lady!
[from trailer]
Sophie: I don’t care if you’ve slept with hundreds of men!
Donna: I haven’t slept with HUNDREDS of men…!
Sophie: I’ve invited my dad to my wedding.
Ali: You found him!?
Sophie: Well not exactly.
Rosie: [to Tanya] This is very greek.
Donna: [hugging Sophie] Look at my baby her whole life ahead of her.
Sam Carmichael: Last time I saw your mother she said she never wanted to see me again.
Donna: [to Rosie] Somebody up there has got it in for me. I bet it’s my mother.
Rosie: [to Tanya] Typical you wait 20 years for a father and then three show up at once.
Sky: It’s my last night of freedom… which is what some might see it, but for me it’s the last night before the greatest adventure of my life.
Harry Bright: [on his sudden appearance for Sophie’s wedding] I took a spontaneous holiday.
Donna: What are you doing here?
Bill: I’m writing a travel piece.
Harry Bright: I took a spontaneous holiday.
Sam Carmichael: I thought I’d drop in and say hi.
Tanya: [to Sophie] You probably don’t recognize me.
Rosie: Not with all that plastic surgery.
Harry Bright: [introducing himself] Bright. Harry Bright.
Sophie: You took my mother’s guitar!
Harry Bright: Borrowed. I got it for her. Cost me ten quid and my Johnny Rotten T-shirt. See? DS: Donna Sheridan. HB: Head Banger.
Tanya: I’m old enough to be your mother!
Rosie: Grandmother.
Rosie: [to Donna, holding up Tanya’s underwear] Does she wear it or floss with it?
Tanya: Floss you!
Rosie: I’m a lone wolf!
Sophie: [reading Donna’s diary] We danced on the beach, kissed on the beach and dot, dot, dot.
Harry Bright: Bugger.
Sam Carmichael: My sentiments exactly.
Donna: I grew up.
Tanya: Well, grow back down then!
Sophie: [Bill has just realized that he might be her father] There’s something else…
Bill: Don’t tell me you have a twin sister.
Sophie: But I love Sky. I love Sky more than anything.
Tanya: [before singing ‘Does Your Mother Know’] Little boys who play with fire get their fingers burned.
Donna: I better be dreaming, you better not be here.
Bill: You want me to pinch you Donna?
Sam Carmichael: [after Donna falls on Harry’s air bed] You always knew how to make an entrance.
Tanya: [talking about Donna’s money troubles and her life in general] Yeah, but are you being taken care of?
Donna: What do you mean?
Tanya: Are you getting any?
Donna: Oh, you mean…
[turns on the screw driver, making loud noises, then says to the screw driver:]
Donna: Down, boy.
The Dark Knight – The Best Joker quotes
August 9, 2008
“The only sensible way to live your life is without rules. And tonight, you’re gonna break your one rule.”
“You know, you remind me of my father. I hated my father.”
“Let’s not blow things out of proportion”
“Freak? Why don’t we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm? And then we’ll see how loyal a hungry dog really is! It’s not about money, it’s about sending a message.”
“I believe… whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you… stranger.”
“It’s all part of the plan.”
“Let’s put a smile on that face!”
“This city deserves a better class of criminal and I’m gonna give it to them.”
“Introduce a little anarchy…upset the established order…and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos.”
“One thing I’ve learned is if you’re good at something, never do it for free.”
“I’m gonna make this pencil disappear.”
“Why so serious?”
All the Joker quotes <-click
Wanted (2008)
August 9, 2008
Cathy: Wesley!
Wesley: [half-asleep] What is it?
Cathy: What do you mean what is it? Listen.
[subway train passes by and shakes the entire apartment]
Cathy: How the hell am I supposed to sleep with all that fucking racket? When are we going to move so that we don’t have to wake up to that shit?
Wesley: I kind of like it.
[voice-over]
Wesley: It helps to drown out the sound of your annoying fucking voice. Now please, let me sleep.
The Butcher: You are a pussy!
Wesley: I’m not a pussy. I got a healthy respect for the human…condition.
The Butcher: Fuck that! You are a pussy!
Wanted (2008)
August 9, 2008
Wesley: Have you ever thought about doing things differently?
Fox: How do you mean?
Wesley: I don’t know. Being somebody else? Someone…normal?
Fox: [after a long pause] No.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (2008)
August 9, 2008
Tibby: So Kostos isn’t married. Why can’t you just stop thinking about it and follow your heart?
Lena: Because…he broke my heart!Kostos: We are no good at not loving each other…
Lena: I tried. I tried, but I couldn’t.
Kostos: I tried too…
New added.Leo:Interesting jeans Lena.
Lena:Oh yeah. [laughs] It’s a long story.Lena:
Are you ok?
Tibby:I just fell off a donkey!Teenage girl:
Do you know if this movie is any good?
Wigged girl:Well that depends.
Teenage girl:Well what if you are in the mood, you know, for something romantic.
Wigged girl:I would go with Texas Chainsaw Massacre [winks] the remake.More quotes for this movie coming soon.
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Maggie Gyllenhaal
August 9, 2008
I find myself more and more interested only in roles which move the world forward.
Heath Ledger
August 9, 2008
[On playing “The Joker” in The Dark Knight] The Joker, so far, is definitely the most fun I’ve had with any character. He’s just out of control — no empathy, he’s a sociopath, uh, a psychotic, mass-murdering clown. And, uh, I’m just thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying it. It’s just exceeded any expectations I had of what the experience would be like.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008) – Quotes
August 9, 2008
Quotes
Rick O’Connell: I. Really. Hate. Mummies.
Evelyn O’Connell: I think the feeling is mutual.
Jonathan Carnahan: Ah! My ass is on fire! My ass is on fire! Spank my ass. Spank my ass!
Evelyn O’Connell: What is that god awful smell?
Jonathan Carnahan: [covered in puke] The Yak yakked.
Jonathan Carnahan: You three-headed shape-shifting son-of-a-bitch.
Jonathan Carnahan: Die you mummy bastards. Die.
Mad Dog Maguire: There is no call for bad language.
[stopping a car before throwing the man out]
Rick O’Connell: Whoa whoa whoa. Sorry pal, there’s a mummy on the loose.
[from trailer]
[upon seeing an army of the undead]
Rick O’Connell: So these are the good undead guys, right?
[from trailer]
Jonathan Carnahan: I hate mummies. They never play fair.
[from trailer]
Alex O’Connell: Good going dad. You’ve raised another mummy. In his tomb, it said he had control of the five elements.
[from trailer]
Zijuan: [about Han] When the emperor built the great wall, he buried his enemies underneath it. I will call them to battle once more.
[from trailer]
Jonathan Carnahan: [to Rick] You guys are like mummy magnets!
Rick O’Connell: Here we go again!
Mad Dog Maguire: [seeing a dragon flying below them] Rick, should I give up drinking?
Rick O’Connell: No.
Jonathan Carnahan: Ah! My ass is on fire! My ass is on fire! Spank my ass. Spank my ass!
Evelyn O’Connell: What is that god awful smell?
Jonathan Carnahan: [covered in puke] The Yak yakked.
Jonathan Carnahan: You three-headed shape-shifting son-of-a-bitch.
Jonathan Carnahan: Die you mummy bastards. Die.
Mad Dog Maguire: There is no call for bad language.
Rick O’Connell: I’ve put down more mummies in my time.
Alex O’Connell: [scoffs] *One* mummy.
Rick O’Connell: Same mummy. *Twice*!
Rick O’Connell: I. Really. Hate. Mummies.
Evelyn O’Connell: I think the feeling is mutual.
Mad Dog Maguire: I’d tell you to fasten your seatbelts, but I was too cheap to buy any.
[laughs]
Rick O’Connell: [laughs] Why am I laughing?
Pineapple Express (2008)
August 9, 2008
Dale Denton: How could he find us?
Saul: Umm, heat-seeking missiles, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas.
Dale Denton: It’s just… I’m kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It’s weird.
Saul: Thank you.
Dale Denton: Not a compliment.
Dale Denton: Whoa, whoa! I gotta get to a phone, man. Come on!
Saul: No, no! I think we should stay.
Dale Denton: Why?
Saul: [pause] ‘Cause I’m in the dumpster already.
Saul: Fuck the po-lice!
Saul: Hey look, my thumb looks like my cock.
Ted Jones: Has anyone seen my bigger knife?
Ken: [in Korean] Prepare to suck the cock of karma!
Ken: [about to attack Ted Jones’s pot warehouse] Tonight we cook up some shit. Time to burn this motherfucker down.
Ken: No retreat, no surrender!
[loads Uzi]
Budlofsky: [Matheson is smoking weed] No, I can’t have any. My wife can smell that off my sweater.
Matheson: [laughs] You can borrow my vest. It smells real good.
Budlofsky: Doesn’t match my style.
Matheson: You ain’t got no style, muthafucka.
Matheson: [to Budlofsky] You used to be fierce. You used to be ruthless!
Red: Today’s my cat’s birthday.
Matheson: [Saul has smashed a coffee pot in Matheson’s face, leaving huge scars] I look like the Hamburglar.
Angie Anderson: Fuck you Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?
Dale Denton: Like two and a half.
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What the fuck does that mean? Your hand?
Robert: Angie, you’re an idiot. I say that with love.
Dale Denton: Yeah but if you do bad stuff you’re going to come back as something bad like a slug or an anal bead. But if you do something heroic then you’ll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or Jude Law. Now which would you rather be?
Red: The anal bead wouldn’t be bad. I mean I guess it would depend on whose anal bead it was.
Dale Denton: It’s *my* anal bead.
Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it’s a joint. Honest I thought it was decriminalized.
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I’m the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids coming around the corner with their eyes as red as Satan’s prick!
Red: You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos!
Red: [points to his armpits] You see this? There’s no hair under here!
Dale Denton: What’s the significance of that?
Red: It makes me aerodynamic, for fighting!
Saul: Start the car man, start the car!
Dale Denton: Yea, you see, me doing that and you saying it is obviously helping.
Saul: Well start it!
Dale Denton: I can’t…the batteries are must be dead.
Saul: What do you mean the batteries are dead?
Dale Denton: The batteries are dead…I don’t know any other way to possibly explain this to you.
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