August 10, 2008
Dale Doback: Barbara Walters, Oprah, your wife. You gotta fuck one, kill one, and marry one, go!
Dale Doback: [as they are called back into the office for their first interview] We’re here to fuck shit up!
Brennan Huff: Robert better not get in my face… ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!
Brennan Huff: I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!
Derek: So, what do we do now?
Brennan Huff: Can we hug?
Derek: Yeah, you’d like that, you faggot!… I’m sorry, I’m new to this.
Brennan Huff: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!
Dale Doback: [after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. I mean, it’s like Fergie meets Jesus.
Brennan Huff: I have a belly full of white dog crap, and now you lay this shit on me?
Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!
Brennan Huff: [to Dale] You’re a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!
Brennan Huff: Shut your mouth. Sh-sh-shut your mouth.
Brennan Huff: Eat shit Derek!
Brennan Huff: [in his therapist’s fantasy] I’ve come five hundred miles to deliver my seed.
Dale Doback: [both waking up from dreams on top of each other] Oh no, I’m late for school.
Brennan Huff: I’ll kiss you on the lips, Kenny Rodgers.
Brennan Huff: I tea-bagged your drum set!
Brennan Huff: This wedding is horse shit!
Brennan Huff: You are making an ass out of yourself, you geriatric fuck!
Dr. Robert Doback: Rock the fuck out of those drums, Dale.
Dale Doback: Can we turn our beds into bunkbeds?
Brennan Huff: It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!
Dr. Robert Doback: Your adults, you can do what you want.
Dale Doback: This is the funnest night ever!
Alice, Derek, Dr. Robert Doback: Fucking Catalina Wine-Mixer!
Alice: Stay gold, Ponyboy.
Derek: Brennan has a man-gina.
Brennan Huff: You better not close your eyes, because as soon as you do, I’m gonna punch you square in the face!
Dr. Robert Doback: One day my father just said, “Goddamn it, you’re seventeen, stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job!”
Dale Doback: I manage a baseball team.
Nancy Huff: Oh, little league?
Dale Doback: Fantasy league.
Brennan Huff: I’m so scared right now. I’m just gonna to do what’s sensible, I’m gonna file for unemployment. Then I’m gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they… *they* give *you* the tools to be your own boss.
Dale Doback: [while Brennan is singing] Boats and hos.
Brennan Huff: Holy Fucking Santa Claus Shit!
Brennan Huff: [mowing lawn, dressed as Nazi] Hey Derek, spreken ze dick?