Kirk Lazarus: I know who I am! I’m the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude! 

Alpa Chino: Maybe I just knew I had to represent… 
Kirk Lazarus: Hot damn! 
Alpa Chino: …because they had one good part in there for a *black* man, and they gave it to “Crocodile Dundee”! 
Kirk Lazarus: [offended] Pump your brakes kid, that man’s a national treasure. 
Alpa Chino: I’m sorry a dingo ate your baby! 
Kirk Lazarus: You about to cross some fuckin’ line! 

Kirk Lazarus:
 I’m a lead farmer, mother fucker! 

Kirk Lazarus:
 Yo, assholes, this mother fucker’s dead! 
Tugg Speedman: [picks up severed head] I think I can spot a prop head when I see one! 
[people around him gag while he plays with the head]

On the Waterfront 1954

August 8, 2008

You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.