Pineapple Express (2008)

August 9, 2008

Dale Denton: How could he find us? 
Saul: Umm, heat-seeking missiles, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas. 
Dale Denton: It’s just… I’m kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It’s weird. 
Saul: Thank you. 
Dale Denton: Not a compliment.


Dale Denton: Whoa, whoa! I gotta get to a phone, man. Come on! 
Saul: No, no! I think we should stay. 
Dale Denton: Why? 
Saul: [pause] ‘Cause I’m in the dumpster already. 



Saul: Fuck the po-lice! 

Saul: Hey look, my thumb looks like my cock.   


Ted Jones: Has anyone seen my bigger knife?   



Ken: [in Korean] Prepare to suck the cock of karma!   



Ken: [about to attack Ted Jones’s pot warehouse] Tonight we cook up some shit. Time to burn this motherfucker down. 

Ken: No retreat, no surrender! 
[loads Uzi]   



Budlofsky: [Matheson is smoking weed] No, I can’t have any. My wife can smell that off my sweater. 

Matheson: [laughs] You can borrow my vest. It smells real good. 
Budlofsky: Doesn’t match my style. 
Matheson: You ain’t got no style, muthafucka.   



Matheson: [to Budlofsky] You used to be fierce. You used to be ruthless!   



Red: Today’s my cat’s birthday.   


Matheson: [Saul has smashed a coffee pot in Matheson’s face, leaving huge scars] I look like the Hamburglar.   



Angie Anderson: Fuck you Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with? 

Dale Denton: Like two and a half. 
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What the fuck does that mean? Your hand?   



Robert: Angie, you’re an idiot. I say that with love.   



Dale Denton: Yeah but if you do bad stuff you’re going to come back as something bad like a slug or an anal bead. But if you do something heroic then you’ll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or Jude Law. Now which would you rather be? 

Red: The anal bead wouldn’t be bad. I mean I guess it would depend on whose anal bead it was. 
Dale Denton: It’s *my* anal bead.   



Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that? 

Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it’s a joint. Honest I thought it was decriminalized. 
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I’m the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids coming around the corner with their eyes as red as Satan’s prick!   



Red: You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos!   


Red: [points to his armpits] You see this? There’s no hair under here! 

Dale Denton: What’s the significance of that? 
Red: It makes me aerodynamic, for fighting!   



Saul: Start the car man, start the car! 

Dale Denton: Yea, you see, me doing that and you saying it is obviously helping. 
Saul: Well start it! 
Dale Denton: I can’t…the batteries are must be dead. 
Saul: What do you mean the batteries are dead? 
Dale Denton: The batteries are dead…I don’t know any other way to possibly explain this to you.   




Related popular quotes:

Swing Vote (2008) quotes and pictures

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

Hancock (2008)

Step Brothers (2008)

About these ads

15 Responses to “Pineapple Express (2008)”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    I feel like a slice of butter

  2. cactusfish Says:

    Saul: Fuck Jeff Goldblum.

    Dale Denton: What the fuck’s in there, a rancor!?

    Red: You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, motherfucker!

    Saul: BF… FF? Dale Denton: Best Fuckin’ Friends Forever Man!

  3. I BRiTTY BlAZE I Says:

    Saul: They say not to dip your pen in the company’s ink.
    Saul: But I’m totally glad i dipped my pen in your ink man.

  4. jrock Says:

    I thought hurricane season was over

  5. 1love Says:

    It’s like killing a unicorn…with, like, a bomb.

  6. marleezilla Says:

    “It smells like god’s vagina.”

  7. jenn Says:

    does anybody know what james franco says when he’s looking at the cross joint and explaining the architect who invented it?

  8. skizzys-girl Says:


  9. Shay Says:

    i’m gonna take you outside and fuck you in the street. no don’t fuck us anywhere

  10. Anonymous Says:

    he says something like a Trisecta

  11. Dude Says:

    “I’m pretty sure I’m like a totally nice guy”

    “Hows your sack? I think I popped one.”

    “I’m glad I dipped my pen in your ink.”

  12. Nancy Haughton Says:

    Matheson- I look like the hamburglar!

  13. Saul: This is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that Afghan Kush I had – and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and fucked – this would the shit that they birthed.

    Dale: Wow – This is the product of baby fucking.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: