Pineapple Express (2008)
August 9, 2008
Dale Denton: How could he find us?
Saul: Umm, heat-seeking missiles, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas.
Dale Denton: It’s just… I’m kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It’s weird.
Saul: Thank you.
Dale Denton: Not a compliment.
Dale Denton: Whoa, whoa! I gotta get to a phone, man. Come on!
Saul: No, no! I think we should stay.
Dale Denton: Why?
Saul: [pause] ‘Cause I’m in the dumpster already.
Saul: Fuck the po-lice!
Saul: Hey look, my thumb looks like my cock.
Ted Jones: Has anyone seen my bigger knife?
Ken: [in Korean] Prepare to suck the cock of karma!
Ken: [about to attack Ted Jones’s pot warehouse] Tonight we cook up some shit. Time to burn this motherfucker down.
Ken: No retreat, no surrender!
Budlofsky: [Matheson is smoking weed] No, I can’t have any. My wife can smell that off my sweater.
Matheson: [laughs] You can borrow my vest. It smells real good.
Budlofsky: Doesn’t match my style.
Matheson: You ain’t got no style, muthafucka.
Matheson: [to Budlofsky] You used to be fierce. You used to be ruthless!
Red: Today’s my cat’s birthday.
Matheson: [Saul has smashed a coffee pot in Matheson’s face, leaving huge scars] I look like the Hamburglar.
Angie Anderson: Fuck you Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?
Dale Denton: Like two and a half.
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What the fuck does that mean? Your hand?
Robert: Angie, you’re an idiot. I say that with love.
Dale Denton: Yeah but if you do bad stuff you’re going to come back as something bad like a slug or an anal bead. But if you do something heroic then you’ll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or Jude Law. Now which would you rather be?
Red: The anal bead wouldn’t be bad. I mean I guess it would depend on whose anal bead it was.
Dale Denton: It’s *my* anal bead.
Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it’s a joint. Honest I thought it was decriminalized.
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I’m the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids coming around the corner with their eyes as red as Satan’s prick!
Red: You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos!
Red: [points to his armpits] You see this? There’s no hair under here!
Dale Denton: What’s the significance of that?
Red: It makes me aerodynamic, for fighting!
Saul: Start the car man, start the car!
Dale Denton: Yea, you see, me doing that and you saying it is obviously helping.
Saul: Well start it!
Dale Denton: I can’t…the batteries are must be dead.
Saul: What do you mean the batteries are dead?
Dale Denton: The batteries are dead…I don’t know any other way to possibly explain this to you.
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