Pineapple Express (2008)

Dale Denton: How could he find us? 
Saul: Umm, heat-seeking missiles, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas. 
Dale Denton: It’s just… I’m kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It’s weird. 
Saul: Thank you. 
Dale Denton: Not a compliment.

 

Dale Denton: Whoa, whoa! I gotta get to a phone, man. Come on! 
Saul: No, no! I think we should stay. 
Dale Denton: Why? 
Saul: [pause] ‘Cause I’m in the dumpster already. 

 

 

Saul: Fuck the po-lice! 

Saul: Hey look, my thumb looks like my cock.   

 

Ted Jones: Has anyone seen my bigger knife?   

 

 

Ken: [in Korean] Prepare to suck the cock of karma!   

 

 

Ken: [about to attack Ted Jones’s pot warehouse] Tonight we cook up some shit. Time to burn this motherfucker down. 

Ken: No retreat, no surrender! 
[loads Uzi]   

 

 

Budlofsky: [Matheson is smoking weed] No, I can’t have any. My wife can smell that off my sweater. 

Matheson: [laughs] You can borrow my vest. It smells real good. 
Budlofsky: Doesn’t match my style. 
Matheson: You ain’t got no style, muthafucka.   

 

 

Matheson: [to Budlofsky] You used to be fierce. You used to be ruthless!   

 

 

Red: Today’s my cat’s birthday.   

 

Matheson: [Saul has smashed a coffee pot in Matheson’s face, leaving huge scars] I look like the Hamburglar.   

 

 

Angie Anderson: Fuck you Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with? 

Dale Denton: Like two and a half. 
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What the fuck does that mean? Your hand?   

 

 

Robert: Angie, you’re an idiot. I say that with love.   

 

 

Dale Denton: Yeah but if you do bad stuff you’re going to come back as something bad like a slug or an anal bead. But if you do something heroic then you’ll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or Jude Law. Now which would you rather be? 

Red: The anal bead wouldn’t be bad. I mean I guess it would depend on whose anal bead it was. 
Dale Denton: It’s *my* anal bead.   

 

 

Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that? 

Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it’s a joint. Honest I thought it was decriminalized. 
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I’m the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids coming around the corner with their eyes as red as Satan’s prick!   

 

 

Red: You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos!   

 

Red: [points to his armpits] You see this? There’s no hair under here! 

Dale Denton: What’s the significance of that? 
Red: It makes me aerodynamic, for fighting!   

 

 

Saul: Start the car man, start the car! 

Dale Denton: Yea, you see, me doing that and you saying it is obviously helping. 
Saul: Well start it! 
Dale Denton: I can’t…the batteries are must be dead. 
Saul: What do you mean the batteries are dead? 
Dale Denton: The batteries are dead…I don’t know any other way to possibly explain this to you.   

 

 

 

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